1) Poodles

From my good friend Jeremy Dennis, and a whole order of magnitude stranger than anything else this year, comes the Barbie™ Dress-Up™ Pets Ballet Recital™. This tops even the hideously sexualised Barbie™ Farm Animals™ which I regret not buying a couple of years ago. What frightens me even more than the object itself, is that there's a whole range of the things, including Bride & Groom™(shown below). Well done Mattel®.

So, congratulations Jeremy, you not only hit the Christmas Number One, but you've supplanted Hideous Ape-Like Aunt May Action Figure™ as the most bizarre toy in my collection.